My Kingdom

I started getting lazy around the fifth grade, I think.

My homework was piled higher than Mount Everest, but I decided to take my very first detour to Lazytown.

It may have been the first time I visited, but I'd end up buying a second property there, where I'd often slip away and enjoy the simplicity of doing nothing. I was king of Lazytown, and the couch became my throne. Who needs motivation when you've got the comfort of inertia?

Anyway, I'm betting you can guess why this is my first post in a while. Hopefully this is enough to get my ass into gear.

But seriously, why is motivation so elusive? For me, it's like grasping at smoke; just when you think you've got it, you open your hands and realize it's gone again.

The 2006 film Akeelah and the Bee introduced me to an insightful quote:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?"

Marianne Williamson

I think the reason motivation manages to evade us so frequently is because we are afraid of what we might do if we keep it.

What might we be able to achieve if only we had the motivation?

The motivation to read, exercise, wake up early, cook, practice instruments, travel, learn languages, volunteer...

Who might we be?

I, for one, know I'd be almost unrecognizable. I'm a powerful person, capable of powerful things. But I'd almost rather give up than let myself fail.

If I try and I fail, it means I wasn't good enough.

If I quit, I only failed because I didn't try.

Somehow, that seems better.

So when things get hard, I let go of the motivation. "I didn't want to do it anymore," I say when people ask me what happened.

I'm tired of doing that. I want to stick with this. I want to see this through.

I'm not saying I'm going to sell my home in Lazytown, but maybe it's time to trade in my crown for a pair of shoes. Motivation is always going to be elusive, but I'm going to try to chase it whenever I catch a glimpse.

I want to be powerful beyond measure.