Growth

I spent my weekend with an unenjoyable woman.

As I approached my 25th birthday, I had the pleasure (or perhaps the misfortune) of spending time with a grown woman who seemed to be a mirror image of my teenage self. Let's just say it was an enlightening experience.

This woman, who bore a striking resemblance to the angsty teenager I once was, made no secret of her opinions. When I shared tidbits of my religious upbringing, her judgment was palpable. As a lesbian herself, she found it perplexing that I still considered myself a person of faith. I couldn't help but bristle at the irony—here I was, being judged for my beliefs by someone who supposedly championed inclusivity and acceptance.

But the real kicker came when she labeled me a pushover for my willingness to go the extra mile to help others, even when it came at a personal cost. Apparently, kindness was a foreign concept to her, but I couldn't help but see the humor in being called a pushover by someone who couldn't even half-ass her own responsibilities.

Spending time with her was like taking a trip down memory lane—one that I was simultaneously grateful for and eager to escape. It served as a reminder of the person I once was—a self-proclaimed mean girl who thought it was cool not to participate in anything others wanted me to. I'm remembering countless activities I pretended I wasn't interested in, and plenty of instances where I'd proclaim something "wasn't my job" when I didn't want to help.

But at least I was 14.

I'm not using that as an excuse for poor behavior, but I'm merely stating that I'm so glad I grew out of it.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, "I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision."

I think when I was 14, I decided I wanted to be 2 cool 4 skool. I think in the time since, I've learned I'm not.

I've learned I'm capable of making big mistakes. Capable of learning from those, too. I've learned I'm capable of change. I've learned I have a great capacity for kindness. I've learned how to be empathetic. I've learned to take my commitments seriously and not to give half of myself to anything or anybody.

As I blew out the metaphorical candles on my 25th year, I couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude for the journey that brought me here. I may have been a lot like that woman when I was 14, but at 25, I've outgrown that version of myself. I no longer pride myself on being mean or aloof. I don't measure my worth by my ability to put others down or by my refusal to engage in meaningful experiences. Instead, I strive to be fully present, to extend kindness to others, and to embrace the values that align with the person I've become.

Taylor Tomlinson has a great comedy bit in one of her Netflix specials where she talks about how your 20s are the time to fish all the trash out of the lake before it freezes over in your 30s. And boy, did that resonate with me after spending time with that woman this weekend. It was like pulling up all the debris from the bottom of that lake and examining it under a microscope. But at least I'm taking the opportunity to get rid of the trash. Clearly, many don't.

Turning 25 marked a milestone in my adulthood—a journey that has been filled with self-discovery, growth, and the unwavering commitment to becoming the best version of myself. It's not always easy or comfortable, but I'm so glad I haven't let myself become stagnant. I always want to keep reflecting, keep learning, and keep growing.

So here's to 25, and to the laughter, lessons, and growth that lie ahead. I'm ready for whatever the future may hold, knowing that I am stronger, wiser, and more resilient because of everything I've learned along the way.

I may have left my teenage angst behind, but I'll always have the music.

What song do you most associate with your teenage angst?