8 Years Ago Today

On this day, eight years ago, I raised my right hand and enlisted in the United States Army.

My recruiter packed me and one other guy into the car to take us up to MEPS. That guy turned out to be the older brother of a friend of mine. His name was AJ. I didn’t know him well, but he is inextricably woven into the story of my enlistment. The whole ride to MEPS, we cracked jokes and talked about why we were joining the Army. 

On this day, eight years ago, I was so sure that I had life figured out.

I had just turned seventeen.

I had a boyfriend.

I was CERTAIN that I was going to go to Basic Training and AIT, come back and go to college, then start my career in STEM.

I was CERTAIN that I was going to be a digital forensic scientist or an analyst.

Since then, I've gone through a lot, and changed a lot, and learned a lot.

I'm not seventeen anymore; I'm twenty-five.

I no longer have a boyfriend; I have a wife.

I didn't go right to college after army training. Instead, I went to war.

I'm not a digital forensic scientist or an analyst; I'm a professional book editor.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that life isn't what any of us expect it to be. Seventeen-year-old me, in the back of my recruiter's red Ford Fiesta, had no way of knowing that any of this would be what came to pass.

Life is full of twists and turns. Life is almost never what we expect. As I look back on my life eight years ago, I can’t help but be so glad that I made that choice. Everyone was asking me why I wouldn’t just wait until I turned eighteen. They asked why I was rushing to graduate high school early.

“You’re only seventeen once,” they’d say. “Don’t waste your youth.”

I wasn’t that I wanted to waste my youth; it was all because I wasn’t interested in wasting my time. 

I knew, even then, that it wasn’t a good idea to wait until I was ready. I was afraid that if I waited until I was eighteen, I wouldn’t do it. If I didn’t do it then, it wasn’t going to be done. 

I knew that if I just jumped in and got the hard stuff out of the way, I could spend my time afterward doing whatever I wanted. I could enjoy the freedom that would come with not needing to work full time while in college. I could enjoy the freedom of not paying off student loans until I died. Work hard now to enjoy life later. 

I am so glad I made the decision to jump in. Because of that choice, I’m where I am today. Is it where I expected to be? Absolutely not. Am I glad for that? More than you could ever know.

Here’s what I’ve learned from that decision: don’t wait to pursue your dreams. Write that book. Start that business. Don’t wait until tomorrow. Don’t wait until you know more. Don’t wait until you’re older. Don’t wait until you have more time. Don’t wait until you feel ready. Do it now. 

Yeah, maybe it’s true that there will be time for all that later. But maybe not.

As Gabrielle Zevin writes in Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow, “Life is very long. Unless it is not.” 

I didn't expect that the eighth anniversary of my enlistment would also be the day of AJ's funeral.

But perhaps there’s a lesson in that too—life’s timing is often beyond our control, and all we can do is make the most of the time we’re given. 

The last words Maurice Sendak ever said in public were: “Live your life. Live your life. Live your life.”

I’m going to try. 

Rest in Peace, AJ Balla.